Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
