I think i sorta joined a cult last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
