I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
