You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im holly from the hills drunk
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Randomize
