i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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