But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Operation Purity has been aborted
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
