I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
