Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
