I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
