chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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