dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
