Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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