I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
