So drunk its hurt
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
