Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
