in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
