farters have to be the big spoon...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
