Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
