This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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