My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
