she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
