I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
