the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize