is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
