I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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