I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
