I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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