You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
