I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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