I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
