I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
