I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
