I'm eating all of the evidence.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
