He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
