If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
