so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
