Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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