it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The Olympian is in my bed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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