why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
