He had one of those small greek statue penises
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
