her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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