the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
