I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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