In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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