I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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