When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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