i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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