after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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