Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
