He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
