Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
