That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
