Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like, not good at living.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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