Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
