I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
