Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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