Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
