I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
