The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
