the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
