I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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