you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize