you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize