Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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