lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
