gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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