And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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