this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
