I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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