I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize