tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
