She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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