sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was CRYING into my vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
as a side note pls kill me
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
