You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
