Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
