I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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