Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
