there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
