bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize