oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
