YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
