Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
