So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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