Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
