They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
we're so committed to being not committed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
