Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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